Here is a list of tell-tale signs that your old wetsuit is too tight:
1. When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a back injury to dismiss curious onlookers.
2. Your farts take up to three-and-a-half minutes from start to finish, and produce the sound frequency of a dog whistle comming out around your wrists and ankles.
3. Three days later you still have the seam imprints on your skin.
4. You attempt to fart and then suddenly let out a large burp instead!
5. You've lost all feeling below your ankles.
Please feel free to add to this list............................
