[crusty]

> ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
>
> Smart man + smart woman = romance
> Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
> ______________________________
> OFFICE ARITHMETIC
>
> Smart boss + smart employee = profit
> Smart boss + dumb employee = production
> Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
> Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
> _____________________________
>
>
> SHOPPING MATH
>
> A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
> A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
> _____________________________
>
>
> GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
>
> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
> spend.
> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> _____________________________
>
>
> HAPPINESS
>
> To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
> him a little.
> To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
> understand her at all.
> ______________________________
>
>
> LONGEVITY
>
> Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are
> a lot more willing to die.
> ______________________________
>
>
> PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
>
> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she
> does.
> _____________________________
>
>
> DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
>
> A woman has the last word in any argument.
> Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
> argument.
> _____________________________
>
> HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
> Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the
> ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I
> started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
>
>
>
>