[Freediver81]

When you get a free moment you need to read this. So funny. REAL!!



This is gold!


..




Who says men aren't bitchy

-


>>Apparently going around NY at the moment.
>>
>>
>>1st is a girl's apology email
>>for cheating on some bloke. 2nd is his reply which was Bcc'd to his
>>entire address book. Its funny as. What a bitch.
>>
>>
>>Brad,
>>
>>It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
>>feel
>
>>like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
>>truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
>>people
>
>>in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
>>would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or
>>anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of
>>us
>
>>had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you
>>being pi**ed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the
>>ugly
>
>>words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking
>>that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just

>>went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny
>>yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I
>>can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you
>>meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I
>>know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
>>is
>
>>something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
>>stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life,
>>I
>
>>can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to
>>say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't reflect that, and

>>you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate
>>feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because

>>I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what
>>happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just
>>about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up
>>there
>
>>with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything
>>in
>
>>the world to rewind and fix it.
>>
>>I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
>>won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
>>getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at

>>your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
>>great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel

>>like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it
>>was
>
>>not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I
>>really don't think I can handle that.
>>
>>
>>I am so sorry.
>>
>>
>>Elizabeth
>>
>>
>>
>>RESPONSE:
>>
>>
>>Dear Elizabeth,
>>
>>
>>Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
>>for
>
>>"Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
>>about".
>>
>>You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
>>to
>
>>carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of

>>whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for
>>45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
>>because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
>>thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
>>
>>To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
>>degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
>>span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k
>>him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care
>>less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world
>>revolves
>
>>around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm

>>sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider
>>someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you
>>is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just
>>think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who
>>commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.
>>I
>
>>could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who
>>comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing
>>someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of
>>anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's

>>new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room.

>>The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into
>>the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last
>>saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it
happened.
>>
>>By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
>>you
>
>>really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you
do.
>>Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
>>watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
>>
>>PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
>>
>>Talk to you never,
>>Brad