Funniest excuses to avoid a traffic ticket:
(Plucked from an article of The Car Connection Team, published in AOL)
1) THE CORPSE IS ROTTING: "I am a funeral director, the law does not bother a hearse on the highway at any speed. But this one time I had a time to be at an out of town crematory, and I was in a van, taking an unembalmed body to be cremated and he got me at 90 mph on the Interstate, when he stopped me and asked what was my hurry, I said, 'Brother, I have to be at a crematory in an hour or I'll miss my appointment time and they will be closing for the weekend.' He said, 'So ...' I said, 'Take a whiff in the back, he stuck he head in the side window and jerked it back out and said sir hurry along and be careful.'"
2) BE CAREFUL OR I'LL ...: "I was driving along one day minding what I thought was my own business, and kind of daydreaming. I must have gone a little faster than I should have and was pulled over and stopped by a state police officer. My husband is a former police officer and told me how he always let someone go if they could tell him a reason for speeding that he hadn't heard before. I knew I had to think quickly because he was now approaching my door. He advised me that the reason he was stopping me was I had exceeded the posted limit by 15 miles over. I looked him in the eye and asked him sternly "Do you have any idea what I did to the last cop who stopped me for speeding?" He looked a little shocked and began feeling more cautious. I said, "I married him." I believe he is still laughing, he just walked away and said slow down, have a nice day. I was so pleased that for once my husband told me something that would really work."
3) GOD'S HELP: "My sister-in-law was pulled over one day for speeding and she said to the passenger with her "O dear God don't let him give me a ticket" the officer came up to her and as he was looking over her driver's license the call came over the radio that the church down the road was on fire. He jumped in his car and told her it was her lucky day. My sister-in-law said "God you did not have to go to that extreme."
4) CHAUVINIST PIG: As I was driving out of the local mall, I made a left turn and headed toward the highway. I suddenly realized I was being followed by a police car with flashing lights. I couldn't figure out why. I had done nothing illegal. (I thought.) However, I pulled over, hoping he wasn't after me, but he was. He asked for the usual: license, registration and insurance, which I handed over. I sat and waited patiently wondering what was going on. I suppose the look on my face said it all because he asked, "Do you know why you were pulled over?" I answered, "No." He informed me that I made a left turn and that was an illegal turn. I became so angry that before I realized what I was saying, I blurted out, "Well, why don't you ever pull my husband over? He makes that turn every time we come to this mall. What are you, a chauvinist or something?" He stared for awhile and then roared with laughter as he said, "Well, go home and tell your husband he's been lucky and not to make that turn again."
5) BLONDES HAVE IT EASIER: My wife -a fairly quiet and reserved but very pretty blonde- was pulled over by a State Patrol office for driving 75 mph in a 55-mph zone. When the office walked to her car and asked her why she was speeding, she told the patrolman that she was married to a police officer who had told her that as long as she was traveling with the flow of traffic she would not be pulled over and would be OK. The patrolman, having heard all the excuses, or so he thought, told my wife that there were no other cars within a quarter-mile of her when he clocked her on the radar. She looked at him and told him she knew that, but that the group of cars she had been traveling with got boring so she was trying to catch up with the group in front of her. Apparently this was a new one to the patrolman, she said he giggled a little bit, told her to slow down, drive safely, and have a nice day. She says she could see him laughing and shaking his head as he walked back to his car.
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