Thanks 6th Grade; I needed that.

[OceanSwimmer]

--If historical accuracy is of interest, perhaps you'll be glad to know our local 6th grade has been busy setting us straight on the facts.
Edit: I realize this has nothing at all to do with the Ocean, or Freediving. Hope nobody minds...
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They all lived in the Sarah Dessert. the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they all made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. [Betcha didn't know that, eric fattah!]
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him! Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6.In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, threw biscuits and hurled the Java.
7. Julius Cesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. He was killed by the Ides of March because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee Hee, Brutus!"
8. Joan of Arc was burned to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted, "Hurrah!"
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Guttenberg invented removable type and the bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper.
12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliette.
13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Certantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. He wrote Paradise Lost. then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Indeadpendance. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

[Cingene]

OH!!! Way too funny OS. And Profits trembled.

[jensen]

Great fun. Beware of that 100 foot clipper!!!!!

Joe

[Pezman]

... even if they are tears of laughter

[Kim Eslinger]

You really need to watch out for the horses, Islamic pentameters and clippers. Hysterical. Thanks for sharing! If this is the future I need to reconsider teaching!

[DiverD]

Don't worry folks, the sad truth is, they all live on junk food.

We may outlive them all.