Quote:
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Originally Posted by Alexx
Steven Seagal would kick them both without a blink of his eye
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I kindly dissagree. I'm pretty sure that His Regal Norrisness would take pity on Seagal, invite him to live in His study, where through positive reenforcement, and keen, groundbreaking methods in linguistic rehabilitation, Norris would teach Seagal to annunciate his words precisely and appropriately...not unlike the snobbish phonetics professor, Henry Higgins, did for the unrefined flower girl, Eliza Doolittle, in the 1964 film
My Fair Lady, adapted from the original Broadway play written by Chuck Norris
*.
Except, in
this case, immediately after reforming Seagal's trademarked, mumbling cue-card recital into an aristocrat's silver tongue, Norris would round house Seagal in the throat, thus realigning and tightening his vocal chords. In turn, Seagal would have the tearfully beautiful voice of an operatic tenor...the only voice which His Omnipotent Norrisness would let a thankful Seagal beg for his meager life. During such a pathetic plea, Norris would then reverse-roundhouse Seagal in his right ear so terribly fast, that all of Seagal's cranial contents would vaporize and disperse from his left ear well before Norris' indomitable cowboy boot needs to actually touch Seagal's unworthy flesh
**.
*While the adapted movie credited George Cukor as its director and Alan Jay Lerner as the screen/musical play's writer, it was indeed the Mighty Chuck Norris who wrote the screen and musical plays, with the intent to direct and produce the adapted movie.
Alas, Chuck Norris had to take leave to Ancient Greece via time travel, to commission Hephaestus, previously Norris' intern, to forge the most powerful Oakley Sunglasses ever. (remember when Superman spun the earth backwards to reverse time in Superman:The Movie? It's inconsistent with space-time continuum theories...unless executed by Norris) These very sunglasses are to be used in the year 2135, when Chuck Norris will rip them away from his face to stare down and destroy an asteroid 23 miles in diameter, just before it's due to collide with Earth at a cataclysmic 23,000 miles per hour.
**This was the original ending to Norris' My Fair Lady, but a socially responsible and cautious Norris felt that the world wasn't ready for such powerful drama at the time.
March 14th, 2006
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