Jokes Thread!!!

[jimdoe2you]

I have been out done!!!!!!!

I am not worthy! I am not worthy!

........but it also is a bit

[crusty]

>>Dave met Stacey in a nightclub.
>>They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of
>>theevening
>>Stacey invited Dave to her place, where they quickly got involved
>>in a very
>>passionate and energetic session in bed together.
>>
>>Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed
>>andsnuggled up
>>close to each other.
>>
>>After a short while, Stacey began tenderly stroking Dave's manhood.
>>
>>Surprised but appreciative, Dave comments, "Surely you
>>can't be ready for more already?"
>>
>>Stacey replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit
>>nostalgic,and miss
>>the days when I had mine"
>>

Crusty

[crusty]

>
>
>
>
>Fairy Tales
>
>CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't
let
>her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears,
>and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go
to the
>ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a
diaphragm."
>Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home
by 2:00
>a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
>
>Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes
and
>goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m.
Cinderella
>shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
>
>"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm
was
>supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
>
>" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
>
>The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
power!
>Tell me his name!"
>
>Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, ..Peter, Peter,
something

Crusty

[sinkweight]

Holy CRAP!

I wish you could see the vaudvillian mustache and boater hat tipped when I say, "now THAT's COMEDY!!"

[island_sands]

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar.
.
"Ah, Pierre," asks one, " 'ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Pierre. "I 'av 'ad a mos' terrible day. Terrible!
At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged
me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
"And zen what 'appened?" inquires his mate.
"I weel tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis silly leetle
platform five feet off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"."
"'And did you jump?" asks his mate.
"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jump
five feet. It is beneass my dignity."
"And zen what 'appened?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb up zis silly leetle platform ten feet off ze
ground, and 'e said "Jump!"."
"And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. It is beneass
my dignity to jump ten feet."
"What 'appened zen?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform a 'undred feet above
ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous willy,
and 'e said: "If you do not jurmp, I am going to stick zis right urp
your burm."."
"Ooooh!" says his mate. "And did you jurmp?"
"A leetle, at ze beginning."

[jimdoe2you]

Oh, boy................. : )

.......and you chastised me for my asain girl lingo!!!!! Wow!!!!!

[jimdoe2you]

Here is a list of tell-tale signs that your old wetsuit is too tight:


1. When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a back injury to dismiss curious onlookers.

2. Your farts take up to three-and-a-half minutes from start to finish, and produce the sound frequency of a dog whistle comming out around your wrists and ankles.

3. Three days later you still have the seam imprints on your skin.

4. You attempt to fart and then suddenly let out a large burp instead!

5. You've lost all feeling below your ankles.


Please feel free to add to this list............................

[crusty]

How to tell if yor ass is to small

[crusty]

> > President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the
> > classes.
> >
> > They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their
> > meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the
> > discussion on the word "tragedy".
> >
> > So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a
> > "tragedy".
> >
> > One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on
> > a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills
> > him that would be a tragedy". "No," said Bush, "that would be an
> > accident."
> >
> > A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
> > drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
> > "I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a
> > great loss."
> >
> > The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the
> > room.
> >
> > "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
> >
> > Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand.
> >
> > In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush
> > was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens - that
> > would be a tragedy."
> >
> > "Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why
> > that would be a tragedy?"
> >
> > "Well," said the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
> > wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f...ing accident
> > either".
> >
> >

Crusty

[island_sands]

Originally Posted by crusty

How to tell if yor ass is to small

some ass-istance needed there for sure!
(sorry that was terrible i know )

[jimdoe2you]

Although I am no nudist, ....................I do enjoy all kinds of water sports!!!!

Sincerely, Jim

[bdurrett]

Originally Posted by jimdoe2you

Although I am no nudist, ....................I do enjoy all kinds of water sports!!!!

Sincerely, Jim

Dude! That's GOTTA hurt! EEEeeyowch! A few more of those and you'll be singin' Soprano.... or at least Contralto!

[sinkweight]

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[jimdoe2you]

Please, .......for the love of GOD someone give sinkweight some rep points for me!!!!!!!

On floor ...........can't breath ............sides hurting

[sinkweight]

I tried giving you rep, too. Or to put it better, I'll turn to Air Supply to say it best

"...I'm all out of love
what am I without you
I can't be too late
to say that I was so wrong..."

er.. strike that last bit.