Jokes Thread!!!

[marginatus]

Originally Posted by Ricochet

Well, you're not part of the target group, anyway.

You never know.....

[DeepThought]

Originally Posted by Ricochet

I'm sure that somewhere in a mad-lab somebody is already working on that iTit thingy...

Well, there is the

iRack

...

[bdurrett]

Originally Posted by Ricochet

Well, you're not part of the target group, anyway.

And that is a GOOD thing!

[colt.45]

wheres diver todd when you need him

[Bill]

Question for your doctor (to get his attention)

'Should I be worried that one testicle is bigger than the other two?

[SanderP]

sweet

[stuckinsurrey]

English tourists take home souveniers, very funny article! Amusing for us Brits anyway!

[Freediver81]

Don`t Step On The Ducks



Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[SanderP]

It's me and the cats again, lol.

[DeepThought]

[bdurrett]

Married Bliss

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, You have been with me all through the bad times... When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck, why don't you fk off!"

[aesthetic]

i can post some really good kittah pictures. im on another forum where plenty of them originated

ill be back later hopefully to post some up!

[stuckinsurrey]

In the interests of equality (and my life) a picture for both the sexes!

[podge]

40 Gypsies died in a massive crash on the motorway and went to heaven.
They turned up at the Pearly Gates and asked St Peter to let them in.
He said that he didn't have room for all 40 of them. He only had room
for 5, so they should go away and think about who would come in.
A short while later St Peter went to see God and said 'They've gone!'

God replied, 'What, the Pikeys?'
'No..............the F***ing gates !!!!'

[spicer]

Billboards You'll Never See Elsewhere