Jokes Thread!!!

[spicer]

Some more good ones

[spicer]

And yet again

[spicer]

yet even more

[spicer]

It does not stop there

[spicer]

This is the last for now

[spicer]

Only in South Africa will you find this

[spicer]

Thats all folks

[podge]

A Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the
students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really
all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They
would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt
to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has
various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I
went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to
read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water,
sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a
lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and
confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and
both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone
oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I
went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from
God's HOLY WORD!
But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another
until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy
soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent
the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying
in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and
monitors running in and out of him.


The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not
have been the best way to start."

[SurfnSpear]

Spot the problem...

[deep thinker]

Dho, stupid hahaha

[SanderP]

Jessica Simpson trying to get into a wetsuit

[Freediver81]

Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back
teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the
teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get
them thinking.

"Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and
the first person
to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off"
said the teacher.

"Who is credited with writing the phrase "To be or not
to be. That is the question," asked the teacher.

Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class
called out, "Shakespeare!".

"Well done!" said the teacher, "You can have Monday
off. "No thank you
Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our
culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be
here on Monday studying hard," Said Little Pham Lam
Nguyen.

"Well okay," said the teacher. The next quote is, "I
had a dream!"
Little Li Sum Koh also at the front yelled out "I
bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!"

"Well done!" said the teacher. "You can have Monday
off". "No thank you
miss. I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take
time offa school.
Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on
Monday studying hard too,"
said little Li Sum Koh.

"Okay," said the teacher.

Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom,
"F*cking Asians!!!"

"WHO SAID THAT?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone.

"Pauline Hanson!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya
Tuesday !!!".

[podge]

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new
> Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
> Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old
> secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was
> going to be like.
> Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was
> indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect
> firewood to be prepared.
>
> But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went
> to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the
> coming winter going to be cold?"
> "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist
> at the weather service responded.
> So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
> firewood in order to be prepared.
>
> A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still
> look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
> "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to
> be a very cold winter."
> The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
> scrap of firewood they could find.
> Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again.
> "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
> "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is
> going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
> "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
>
> The weatherman replied,
"The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

[naiad]

A bad day at Glastonbury...
http://msnukmusic.spaces.live.com/blog/

[SanderP]