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#1276
September 21st, 2008
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'You guys are in soooo much trouble
just wait til i get my whips out later, ask Spaniard and Podge, they hurt!!' Oh!! Oh!! Me too. Where does the line form? Are you going to wear your black boots?
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Aloha Bill A man is wise, only to the extent that he is aware of his own ignorance. Bill Bonner '08 
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#1277
September 21st, 2008
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how ironic .george michael caught in a toilet (again) in posession of crack
we knew he was an addict but not to that one
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#1278
September 22nd, 2008
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Not really a joke, but pretty damn funny nonetheless:
When I was flight attending, about 8 years ago, I was trying to get a plane full of passengers ready for departure. There was this one elderly man, sitting in his seat...large carry-on bag on his lap. I grabbed the bag from him and began shoving it into an overhead compartment. He says, "Miss...that's my bichon frise." Let me take this moment to say that at that time, I was not very cosmopolitan. I was just a southern girl, and my reply to him (thinking he was referring to the brand name of his baggage) was "Sir, I do not care if it is Pierre Cardin. It has to be stowed." At that moment, I hear a whimper come from the bag I am trying desperately to fit in the overhead compartment. I realized a "bichon frise" was not a brand name...it was a dog! I embarassingly handed the bag back to the gentleman, and rest assured...he got free scotch for the entire flight!
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Billie Ball "Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down Letting the days go by/water flowing underground Into the blue again/after the money's gone Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground" --Talking Heads
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Re: Jokes Thread!!!
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#1280
September 22nd, 2008
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I've lived with at least one woman for 67 years and I think that this is good advice.
Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges whatever is given to her. So... If you give her crap, you will receive more s**t than any one human being can possibly handle.
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Aloha Bill A man is wise, only to the extent that he is aware of his own ignorance. Bill Bonner '08
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#1281
September 22nd, 2008
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i was walking round the cemetary yesterday and i noticed this man crouching behind a headstone
i looked quickly and said "" morning"" he said no actually im having a dump
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#1282
September 23rd, 2008
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Oh dear. I don't know what to say about this one.
__________________
Billie Ball "Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down Letting the days go by/water flowing underground Into the blue again/after the money's gone Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground" --Talking Heads
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#1284
September 24th, 2008
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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds. When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs! 'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions? The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day. 'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor. 'No, from the damm' skippin'
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#1285
September 24th, 2008
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HOSPITAL PHONE COVERSATION IN ENGLAND
LADY- hello i would like some information on mrs tiptree she was admitted last week with chest pains , is there any improvement HOSP-do you know wich ward she is in LADY- she is on ward 2p room 2b bed 1 HOSP-ill just put you through to the nurse station NURSE- hello ward 2p how can i help LADY- i would like to know how mrs tiptree is doing is there any improvement or deteriorisation or is she stable NURSE-ill just check the notes, im pleased to say , her condition has improved, she has regained her appetite,her temp has stabalised,and after some routine checks tonight, she shoul be well enough to return home tommorrow. LADY-oh thats wonderful news, im so happy ,thank you ever so much NURSE-you seem very relieved are you a close friend or relative? LADY-no im mrs tiptree in room 2b , no one tells you f**k all in here  
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Re: Jokes Thread!!!
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#1286
September 24th, 2008
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Quote:
Great that excercise! Remember we're a bit o' a melting pot over here. Joke at work is "Don't push Al's "IRISH BUTTON"." Which means the Irish in me looses the temper & then the German in me wants to take over Holland & Belgium and the English wants to explain it all away!  Last edited by agbiv; September 26th, 2008 at 12:05.
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#1287
September 25th, 2008
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Facebook in 50yrs time....
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here fishy, fishy, fishy
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#1290
September 28th, 2008
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two parrots standing on a perch , one says to the other , can you smell fish
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| Reply to post 'Jokes Thread!!!' | This thread | Refback | March 16th, 2007 11:53 | |
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