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#31
August 11th, 2008
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liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car".
Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.
__________________
'No sooner does man discover intelligence than he involves it with his own stupidity' - JC www.freedivers.co.uk 
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#32
August 11th, 2008
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A Chelsea fan, a liverpool fan and a Man u fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Chelsea fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Chelsea fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The scouser was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my shirt" But even two pillows & 1 shirt could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again. The Manc was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The manc replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks. "Please tie the Scouser to my back."
__________________
'No sooner does man discover intelligence than he involves it with his own stupidity' - JC www.freedivers.co.uk
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#33
December 7th, 2008
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Bump......
What does a scouse girl use as protection during s3x? A bus shelter. 
__________________
'No sooner does man discover intelligence than he involves it with his own stupidity' - JC www.freedivers.co.uk
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#34
December 7th, 2008
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After sponging off society all his life, sending in sick notes as often as possible, never doing a full weeks work, and basically being a lazy useless scrounger, it was inevitable that Louis Saha would end up signing for a Liverpool club.
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#35
December 7th, 2008
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Why do Liverpool goalkeepers never catch the ball?
It's Scouse tradition never to touch something for long enough to leave fingerprints
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#36
December 7th, 2008
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A scouser was in church today when the priest started telling him how bad his Father was, and that he shouldn't follow in his footsteps.
He replied, pointing to the sky, "you shouldn't talk about my Father like that - he is up there now." The priest replied, "I'm so sorry, my son, I hadn't realised he had passed away." He said, "he hasn't passed away, he is on your church roof robbing your lead!"
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#37
December 7th, 2008
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A young, inexperienced social worker is doing her rounds in a surburb of Liverpool. Not know what the place was like due to her innocence, she asks a group of dodgy kids sniffing glue:
"Hi guys, I was just wondering, if I left my car here, would it be here when I got back?" One of the younger guys shouts out: "If you leave your car anywhere in Liverpool, it'll be here when you get back"
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#38
December 7th, 2008
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ok guys i think thats all of them covered ha ha ha
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#39
December 8th, 2008
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Whats the first question on a scouse quiz night?
What you lookin' at der lah'
__________________
'No sooner does man discover intelligence than he involves it with his own stupidity' - JC www.freedivers.co.uk
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#40
December 8th, 2008
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Quick teaser.
There is two scousers in a car, Jason and Daz, they are doing 40mph in a 40 mph zone, there is no bangin' music from rattling snide speakers, the car is taxed, insured and MOT'd Can you work out who is driving? THE POLICE haha
__________________
'No sooner does man discover intelligence than he involves it with his own stupidity' - JC www.freedivers.co.uk
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#41
December 11th, 2008
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__________________
'No sooner does man discover intelligence than he involves it with his own stupidity' - JC www.freedivers.co.uk
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#42
December 11th, 2008
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I think there's 2 mate
__________________
Freediving Forums Mentor That's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things. http://freedivingbenny.blogspot.com/
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