Canadian Passport

[Erik]

nota bene: there is a ton of swearing in this very funny letter. Don't read if you don't like swears!
Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office (so they say)

Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows
that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal
Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the
income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health
insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is
Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that
ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!! SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you
an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my
house, then you ask me for my fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a
gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up
Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy
beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not
want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and
get another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us
running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off,
then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture
- you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (fuckin' morons)
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!

Signed - An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776
when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served
in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances
up the ying yang.
I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years
and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know,
someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA !!!


:blackeye

 

[apneaboy]

Standard answer.

 

[Bill]

Thanks Erik. After a real crappy day I enjoyed a good laugh.

 

[jay cluskey]

Good god he was laid back

 

[BennyB]

Heh heh... I wrote something similar to the Australian passport office when my passport nearly didn't arrive in time for my honeymoon... they couldn't understand how it was a security issue if they sent my passport to the wrong address :duh

Yet if I walk into an Australian airport telling a joke like "an terrorist walks into a bar..." I get the rubber glove :head

 

[laminar]

So true!

But - I also listened to a great radio interview about governent efficiency and the guest said that the first thing totalitarian regimes do is to assemble every part of your life into one file from which they can control you with ease. So this frustration is a necessity for protecting your identity and privacy. Although, businesses are doing a great job in messing that one up, too. Radioshack probably sold his information many times over! :duh

Reminds me of this clever piece of writing from a journalist posing as a senior citizen:

Myth Blaster - Disgruntled 96-year-old Woman Writes Letter to Bank Lighthouse Patriot Journal

Pete

 

[Amphibious]

the first thing totalitarian regimes do is to assemble every part of your life into one file from which they can control you with ease.

they also make you register your firearms... :rcard

 

[slingshaft]

Hey Amp, do you get to own firearms other than sporting pieces?

 

[Trelawney]

I saw this in the Daily Mirror on Thursday.

World Funniest Complaint Letter? | Jialat dot Com

rofl

 

[Amphibious]

Hey Amp, do you get to own firearms other than sporting pieces?

yes, most long arms are legal here. Pistols, revolvers and most "black" rifles are considered Restricted (upgraded permit required, only for use at a designated range). anything with a barrel less then 4.5" is illegal, as is anything full auto, suppressed, or "scary" looking (PSG-1, FAL, SPAS-12, etc). certain chamberings (.32 auto) are illegal.

we have no CCW rights, albeit some of us (Bush pilots, hunting guides, prospector, etc) can apply for limited use open carry on crown land.


Kanada the nanny state.

 

[laminar]

Nanny state every time!

I'd rather have someone like you allowed to carry a gun or a rifle with restrictions, rather than someone who's been to a gun convention and decided to get one on a whim (although I hear that's changing and varied from state to state). People who have been trained and made to go through hoops are (hopefully) more likely to exercise caution and common sense.

No doubt you would be happier with fewer restrictions, but would you rather have more people with less firearm training than you in the forests and in the rough frontier towns that you frequent?

...As in, someone like me, who likes to shoot his mouth off first and ask questions later. :crutch

Without completely hijacking (at gun point) this thread, what changes to the law in Canada would you like to see? I'm actually curious, never heard the point of view of someone who actually has practical uses for firearms (other than paranoia and playing pretend James Bond). I've mostly had conversations with big "L" liberals and hippies.... :inlove

As an aside, I'm reminded of when my girlfriend of several years ago went to a grizzly defense (with a gun) workshop. We were living in Whitehorse. She actually did quite well considering she'd never shot a gun before. However, several large dudes froze when the plywood bear cutout on rails bore down on them at high speed. :blackeye Seems like our basic instinct to become immobile is not good for survival.

 

[Amphibious]

I am a huge fan of the federal licencing and training programs canada has in effect currently. if anything I like to make the training longer and more involved. I think you'll find this view shared by virtually all firearms owners across the country.

what I have a huge problem with is the registration and restrictions put in place on legal firearm owners in this country. Criminals won't register their firearms. so the point is?One just has to look into history to see that a firearm registry always ends up being a tool to supress a countries population. Hitler & Stalin were both huge fan's of national firearms registration (for some easy examples). Australia and the UK have seen steady rises in violent crime since they imposed their registries and crackdown on legal ownership.

the Polytec shooting in Montreal was the big spur for C68 and our current Restricted & 12.6 firearm laws. it prohibited or restricted ownership of a large number of semi-automatic and military surplus firearms. no one is really sure why, as the civilian equivalents are still legal, even though they have virtually identical capabilities.
the gunman used a Ruger Mini-14, which oddly enough wasn't one of the firearms covered under the new restrictions. the AR-15 was. both semi automatics in .223rem, but one is black and "scary", and one comes in polished stainless. oooo pretty!

I'd love to see handguns de-restricted. I can take my rifles camping with me, or to the local gravel pit for some informal target practice, yet my handguns have to have a special letter from the government with them at all times, and I may only use them at a certified shooting range. if i'm stopped with my handguns in a location that is not a direct path from my residence to the range, I'm going to jail. if I move house I have to call up the CFO in vancouver and request permission to move them. they inform the local donut munchers, and life is bliss. I'm sure every criminal does the same. it's the law, right?

seems to many on my side of the fence as a blame game. it's far easier to pass the buck to an inanimate object then it is to look deeper into the social or personal problems that create violent crime. criminals will ALWAYS find a way to get their hands on a firearm. stacking on the restrictions only supresses the legal gun owner. Ever got a speeding ticket? really? but speeding is illegal!

most firearm owners I come into contact with want fewer restrictions. more education. the right to defend themselves. and far far harsher penalties for violent offenders.

this pretty much sums it up:




the grizz busting courses are hillarious. what many fail to realize is holding a firearm doesn't make you armed. I've trained quite a few treeplanters and bush workers in bear defence and it's amazing how many freeze, run, or just melt down when the stess it put on.

if you've ever seen how fast 1200lbs of pissed off fur and fang can move, most would be lucky to get one well placed shot off in time. if any at all.

 

[fcallagy]

Yet if I walk into an Australian airport telling a joke like "an terrorist walks into a bar..." I get the rubber glove :head

Hence your repeating and repeating that same damm joke over and over in every airport your in dont you ever get tired of it ? The glove I mean.

 

[agbiv]

Watch old flick Smokey & the Bandit. "Anyone need an exam?" Better than trying out for the pig part in Deliverance!!!!:martial

 

[Erik]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tqxzWdKKu8]YouTube - Dueling Banjos Deliverance[/ame]

 

[felipe felop]

hey eric,you just gotta doodle sometimes,you know draw pictures that are peaceful dude,ok maybe not, but that complaints letter you posted was errmm,enough said,did you see the letter posted to richard branson about the food on virgin flights,it was that good they gave him a job,the best i ever read in my life,credit where its due

 

[BennyB]

Hence your repeating and repeating that same damm joke over and over in every airport your in dont you ever get tired of it ? The glove I mean.

A small price to pay in the name of comedy