Colon Fumes
I too have had this problem in the past and the trick is to use it to ones advantage. As a freediving spearfisherman, I am constantly looking for ways to attract fish. I have found that by eating a large portion of Black Beans and Rice with an Avocado and white vinegar salad the night before, has really produced some results with Mutton Snappers.
The trick is to release the "farts" in spurts, not as one large "Blowout". By using this method, I am able to control the rate of release and budget my gas wisely
I have also found that "Packing" can cause significant farting. When I drink a six "pack" of malt liquor, I tend to have the foulest fumes (alliteration at its best
). Furthermore, spearfishing in South Florida, we tend to encounter many Bull Sharks. I have discovered a very effective method to chase them out of the reefs. This is very dangerous, so please try it first at home in the presence of a porcelene toilet with some Gas-X or Beano in the medicine cabinet.
The trick is to combine Tostitos Lemon-Lime chips with extra hot salsa. After eating about 200 of these you must chase it down with a Dos XX Lager. The trick here is to use the Dark beer option. This must then be followed with two pinto bean burritos, chased with another beer. The meal must then be concluded with a spoonful of crushed jalepeno peppers. When in the water you must then aim your sphincter a few yards ahead of the shark, if you aim directly at the beast you will defeat the purpose.
The only drawback to these strategies is the tearing of my expensive wetsuit. Suprisingly, the tearing seems to be concentrated in the crotch area, midway from my scrotum to the opening of my colon. Good luck!
Sorry guys, but I just couldn't help myself
I guess it's the result of a slow Monday morning. Interesting topic considering Thanksgiving is a few days away.
