Quotable quotes thread!!!!

[jimdoe2you]

Based on the success of the jokes thread, I thought it might be nice for all of us to offer up some of our favorite or even newly discovered QUOTES that each of us feels is a pearl of wisdom or just plain humorous.


"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot." - Steven Wright

 

[bluecape]

"I'll be Bach..."

Arnold Schwarchanegger when asked which classic music composer he would play in a movie if given the opportunity.

 

[jimdoe2you]

"Jim, .....I don't have to swim faster than the shark, .....I just have to swim faster than you!" - sinkweight

 

[jimdoe2you]

"I'm sorry, we're americans, we don't understand english" - Lucille Ball (when suddenly faced by someone with a very heavy british accent)

rofl

 

[crusty]

''A Spanking a Spanking then oral sex oohh yes oral sex''

Monty Pythons Holy Grail, sceen in the castle full of Virgins,


Crusty

 

[jimdoe2you]

Ah ha ha ha ha!!!!

Then you know, ".....a fishy, fishy, fishy, fish!" from The meaning of Life!

Or better yet, ................"Oh sir, it's just a wahfer thin!"

rofl rofl

 

[crusty]

What about
''I blow my nose on you, you foul smelling English pig dog, your Father was a Hampster and you mother smelled of Elder berries''
"" Now go away or i will torment you more''
Then the Cow goes over the wall.

Classic Humor

Crusty

 

[jimdoe2you]

Oh my god, ......too funny! OK lets get past Monty Python or all the Brits will get swelled heads and think they're better than all the Yanks and Aussies!

"As long as I can recall, I have had memories" - Groucho Marx

 

[Bill]

"The difference between Democrats and Republicans is the same as between catshit and dogshit" Joan Baez in the 60s.

 

[Groupermadness]

"He who go to bed with itchy bottom" , "wake up with smelly finger".

Some freaky chinese old guy from another century.

 

[Groupermadness]

What about
''I blow my nose on you, you foul smelling English pig dog, your Father was a Hampster and you mother smelled of Elder berries''
"" Now go away or i will torment you more''
Then the Cow goes over the wall.

Classic Humor

Crusty

Dont forget "I wave my private parts at your aunties". from the same sketch

 

[Groupermadness]

The character inherent in the American people has done all that has been accomplished; and it would have done somewhat more, if the government had not sometimes got in its way.
Henry David Thoreau
US Transcendentalist author (1817 - 1862)

 

[DeepThought]

"God inveted wars to teach Americans Geography." (forgot who)(don't take it as a my political stand, I just think it's funny)

 

[Dobs]

That's one one of my favourites:
"I spent 90% of my money on women and booze. The rest I wasted."
British 1960s soccer star George Best.

 

[Ricochet]

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
-Mae West-

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
-Oscar Wilde- rofl

Half of the people in the world are below average.

There are two rules for success:
1) Never tell everything you know.
-Roger H. Lincoln- rofl

 

[jimdoe2you]

The two rules one is sharp!!!! Love it!!!!

"Find a job that you love doing and you will never have to work a day in your life" - Confucios

 

[jimdoe2you]

"I am as strong willed as the come, in fact I can resist everything, except temptation" - Oscar Wilde

 

[glowworm]

Spike Milligan was asked if he wanted an officers commision during military service and he replied " i'll stick to a weekly wage like everybody else sir"

A true comic genius

 

[sinkweight]

"I wish people with taste had money, and people with money had taste!" - unknown

but it's one of my favorite toasts!

 

[bolts]

It's best to remain silent and be thought of as a fool, then speak and remove all doubt. - Winston Churchill (I think)