You know your a skin diver when...

[blaiz]

Anyone ever hear of Jeff Foxworthy and his annoying jokes... you might be a redneck. Well I was browsing the forums on Hawaii skindiver and found this. I thought it was pretty funny so I figured Id start one here. I tried to make sure it hasnt been done here but if it has ...oh well.

You might be a skin diver if....

- Someone says they need to buy rubbers and the first thing that comes to your mind is not a condom.
- Your pick-up line for girls is "I love to go down, I can hold my breath for 2 minutes, and I love to eat fish."
- Your girl's response to the above pick-up line is: "Me, too."
- You have a tat of Gene Higa somewhere on your body.
- You KNOW who Gene Higa is.
- You've watched EPIC so many times, you can mouth every line and call every fish that is about to be shot (and you noticed the 2nd omilu swimming in front of Dell before he shoots the other one), and somehow the damn video never gets old.
- More people know you by your deeperblue.net alias than your real name. - You pray for weekends with no surf.
- You think people who scuba are cheaters.
- You and your friends have arguments about how OMER is really pronounced (its oh-mer. no, it's oh-mare. etc.).
- To you, uku is not a flea. (hawaii divers only)
- You think off-roading is a means to an end, and not just a hobby.
- Your face is immune to portagee-man-o-war.
- Fish don't swim in schools -- they come in 'piles.'
- You've had wet dreams about diving in the big round tank at the Waikiki Aquarium.
- Mares, arbolette, and Hawaiian sling are not unfamiliar terms to you.
- You actually have calluses between your thumb and index finger from where you hold the rubber to your 3-prong.
- Wana is your worst enemy. (sea urchin)

a few of my own

-you feel comfortable posting pictures of your self and your buddies in skin tight neoprene on the internet.
-your out fit resembles what the average joe would consider a modified diaper
-you actually welcome the smell of fish and guts
-you think its totally normal and actually enjoy peeing in your wetsuit

Anyone care to join in?

 

[Lockedin]

you don't just enjoy peeing in your suit - you actually drink an extra glass of water to "charge the internal heating system"

Everytime you bend over to tie your shoes, water comes out of your nose

People ask if you saw any sharks and your disappointed reply is "Not on this dive..."

 

[Crazys13]

you have to ask people to repeat themselves because everything is muffled from having popped ears.

people generally think your a little on the nutsy side.

anglers hate you because you walk out of the water after an hour, with more fish than they have caught all year.

 

[blaiz]

You ask your spouse if she/he would like to go "poke fish" and you both run and grab you dive gear.

Peaple think you have a birth defect due to the semi perminent circular indent on your face.

you have actually passed out on your own couch completely sober and well energized.

 

[Marwan]

if you go on a scuba dive (for sightseeing) you point an imaginary gun at any decent sized fish you see

 

[sciencemike]

if you go on a scuba dive (for sightseeing) you point an imaginary gun at any decent sized fish you see

roflroflroflrofl

Everytime you bend over to tie your shoes, water comes out of your nose

roflroflroflrofl

How true are those.. lol

 

[podge]

Your none freediving wife catches you in the bath with your new fins on and then doesn’t believe that you just wanted to see what they were like in the water.roflrofl

The boot of your car has a hazy mix of dead fish, wet neoprene and piss about it.

 

[Marwan]

Your none freediving wife catches you in the bath with your new fins on and then doesn’t believe that you just wanted to see what they were like in the water.roflrofl

The boot of your car has a hazy mix of dead fish, wet neoprene and piss about it.

Or WORSE..youre non freediving wife walks in on in you in the bathroom to find you in your new camo wetsuit hood on and all, youre panting and have a weird facial expresssion,and theres traces of soap around your face, hands and legs roflroflrofl

 

[podge]

Or WORSE..youre non freediving wife walks in on in you in the bathroom to find you in your new camo wetsuit hood on and all, youre panting and have a weird facial expresssion,and theres traces of soap around your face, hands and legs roflroflrofl

Ahahah Marwan mate I’m glad it’s not just me.roflroflrofl
One of my mates got his new suit and tried it on for the first time at home and had to wait 3 hours for his Mrs.’s to get home so she could help him out of it.roflrofl

 

[Adrian]

This is great stuff, the water out of the nose is a classic! I'm moving the thread to the Beach Bar - it's more suitable there and will get more exposure.

 

[drunkinbda]

When you jump in the water at a raft-up, you're mate immediately asks you to check the hull for barnacles/growth....

when you tell him "ya its a bit messy" he seems to think chucking you a scraper is appropriate...:rcard


and lets not forget
"can you set this anchor.."

 

[mishu1984]

-when you go to your local aquarium and start drooling
-when you have named your spearguns
-when you plan your vacations around spearfishing, instead of planing your spearfishing around your vacations
-when you would rather sell you wedding ring than sell some of your favorite gear
-when you spend so much time in the water that your girlfriend tells you that you taste a little salty

 

[felipe felop]

when youv'e spent every day 6hrs a day for 3 months in the water & the skin rots off your body, & your mates & girlfriend won't be seen with you till you've had that medical treatment to rid you of the so called lergy & you know it will be healed in a week if you stay out of the water!!!!
"get away from me you freak" is disturbing when you hear it to frequently from friends,family & passers by

 

[apneaboy]

You enter the local public house near your local dive site and notice a table full of people who smell of piss, have dishevelled hair and are all talking about rubber, lube, frc, wing monos and other nonsensical nonsense...........

After you sit next to them you feel at home

 

[apneaboy]

"get away from me you freak" is disturbing when you hear it to frequently from friends,family & passers by

hmmmmm..... anyway

 

[apneaboy]

You have nearly passed out at least once trying on a new wetsuit when taking it off over your head.

haha cool thread

 

[blaiz]

Awesome!

you refuse to have a myspace or facebook but have no problem chatting with pals for hours on the deeperblue.

you actually spend more time on deeperblue than in the water.

Any time you do go SCUBA diving to "sight see" you have a hard time remembering to breathe

 

[Kars]

- You devellop a great attachment to your monofin, reluctant to lend it out, holding and embrasing it like a dear girlfriend, naming her, thanking and kissing it after every divesession.

- Dreaming about dancing with a loved one down at depth in the blue.

- Go out diving in 17c-12c water at 7:00 in the morning after a night of partying without suit.

- Practice the various musclegroups in the mouth and throat area for better equalisation at work and in public.

- Seak and set personal secret breathhold challenges at work.

- Constantly try and test new dietairy approaches.

- In conversation sell freediving as a low equipment sport, yet have a room full of fins, suits, guns, weights, floats, masks and rope.


Keep 'm comming!

Love, Courage and Water,

Kars

 

[apneaboy]

You are willing to spend more on your dive kit than buying a vehicle.

You have nearly scared to death at least one pool life guard with a decent relaxed looking static

You alternate your odour between slightly salty, to slightly pissy to slightly chloriney

 

[apneaboy]

You have come back from holiday looking like a Panda