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Daily joke! Only the best jokes!

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Freediver81

The Arabian Stallion
Feb 5, 2004
992
246
0
40
Two hillbillies walk into a bar to wash the dust from their throats and grab a beer. They are standing at the bar drinking their beers and talking about current cattle prices when all of a sudden a woman at a nearby table, who was eating a sandwich, begins to choke. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The women violently shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" the other asks. The women doesn't answer begins to turn blue. The hillbilly then runs up behind her, lifts up her dress, yanks down her panties and runs his tounge all over her ass in a circular motion until finally the woman becomes shocked and it send her into a violent spasm and the obstruction flys from her mouth. As she begins to breathe, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. The other hillbilly says to his friend, "Ya know? I'd heard of that there HIND LICK MANEUVER, but, I aint ever seen nobody do it.
 

Freediver81

The Arabian Stallion
Feb 5, 2004
992
246
0
40
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.


Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
 

Freediver81

The Arabian Stallion
Feb 5, 2004
992
246
0
40
Two men are exploring an area in Deepest, Darkest Africa when they are captured by a group of Natives. All of a sudden they are thrown onto logs on the ground, stripped and tied up to where they can't move. The chief walks up and looks at the first man and says, "You have a choice, Death or Voontah!" All the natives are bouncing around yelling, "VOONTAH, VOONTAH, VOONTAH!" The guy thinks anything can be better than Death so he chooses Voontah. All of a sudden every native lines up and one by one and they start f*%king the guy up his ass. When the last native has finished, the cheif walks up to the second man and says, "You also have a choice, Death or Vootah!" Again all the natives bounce around and yell, "VOONTAH, VOONTAH, VOONTAH!" The second man looks over at his buddy and say, "Damn, anything can be better than that Voontah, I'll take Death!" The cheif suddenly turns to his tribe and says, "He has made his choice. He has chosen Death. So.....It will be DEATH.......BY VOONTAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Freediver81

The Arabian Stallion
Feb 5, 2004
992
246
0
40
Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens. The aliens said they were researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could partner switch. After talking it over Farmer Brown and his wife agreed. The next morning the aliens left.

Farmer Brown was dying to ask his wife what happened. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and broke down and asked her. Well what happened?

She replied, It was the best sex I ever had!

Why? asked Farmer Brown.

Well when he took off his pants it wasn'r but an inch long and as big around as my pinky, but then he reached up and turned his left ear and it grew as to 16 inches, then he turned his right ear and it got as big around as a sausage.

Farmer Brown said, Well ***** no wonder that bi$ch was trying to rip my ears off!!
 
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