Ok, let's see if I can help with the product descriptions, 3rd party ads, manufacturer page ads, general promotion.
I'm happy to have read where you'll post your text, and what it's function is: online shops, selling and describing your products.
3rd Party Online shops:
As a customer visiting my 3rd party online shop, I like to read the product description because I want confirmation that I'm making the right choice.
A characterisation of typical use - does it match my character and needs? A description of all the features, range of use, possible options and quality assurance.
The text should be easy and fast to read, and to the point - I have no time for fluff, because I already know that I'm into this hydrofoil - thanks to youtube induced dreams of flying along reefs.. What I need NOW is quick confirmation that I got the right model for me, so I can click on the shop's "order and check out" button.
If I'm just an accidental visitor browsing through the shop's inventory, and this passes my screen, I want to watch a short compelling Youtube video to see what this thing does and if I feel attracted enough to check it out further. An instruction video, and or national record video each tailored to the potential buyer's character. (These video's should have good sound.. something very much overlooked by film novices).
Be Specific:
I think each model needs it's own text, clearly laying out it's different character, use, features, range of use, options and quality assurance.
Seeing the same text with a different foil picture looks VERY cheap.
Video - todays medium:
Your website should have instruction videos, fun video's, product fabrication video, record video's, recommendation videos, candid first encounter/try videos, plenty of cool short videos to click on (to subconsciously say yes to) so people can get warmed up. And I must say because your foil does look very mechanic people need more exposure to warm up to it.
Ask Connor in Florida for an video interview on his experience with his DOL-fin, a brilliant place, person, and dolphin interaction to document. <I'm getting distracted here...>
General introduction texts:
For your general manufacturing website, You'll have a different text, a short introduction followed by a longer with maybe a bit of the manufacturing process, and plenty of links to all these cool videos.
For other online shops first page news / swipe by's , you can think of having 1 small photo and 1 or two paragraphs of text, where you have the chance to say it's NAME, what it does and where to look for more info: links.
What holes are there to plug?
To comment on you previous revision I think it has the following major flaws:
- no specific target location. Where does the text appear?
- no specific target audience.
Appealing to experts and beginners at the same time is impossible. You can write beginners in such way not alienate experts, but you cannot appeal to both in 1 text because neither one will feel their character/skill reflected in the text. Choice of language, situations, needs, etc, etc is all different.
- not specific to each model, a specific product needs a specific online shop text.
- reads too slow. It needs shorter sentences, clearer structure geared towards the readers' order of thinking (
Who, What, Where,When, Why, and How) * , needs and READING SPEED.
I enjoyed this exercise in marketing and advertisement, and I think we are learning an growing here together.
Also be aware I'm merely a lover of language and thought, not an experienced marketeer or salesman. My hope is however my brainstorm expose helps you and your product get the best exposure it can have. We learn by doing; and honing in onto a better text is a cool process, seeing the mystique of advertising melt and get to the core is very interesting to me, because I love to learn how people work.
Kars
* (following logic:
http://www.triviumeducation.com )
