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for thoses about to married!

Thread Status: Hello , There was no answer in this thread for more than 60 days.
It can take a long time to get an up-to-date response or contact with relevant users.

Sharky

Deeper Blue Beer Taster
Oct 19, 2002
370
50
0
47
I am fed up of male bashing jokes, so here goes.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.She should have it opened by the time she brings it to you.


How do you fix a womans watch?
You dont. There is a clock on the oven.

Whats worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who wont do what shes told.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault:My wife asked me "Whats on TV" I said "Dust"


:D :D :D rofl :blackeye :ban
 
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Alison

Offline
Mar 6, 2004
1,898
204
0
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

but then

Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

or much much worse (under 18's look away now)

Q. What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

I'll take my leave now :(
 

Sharky

Deeper Blue Beer Taster
Oct 19, 2002
370
50
0
47
Ok Alison try these then!!!!!!!:D


How do you know a woman is about to say some thing smart?
When she starts her sentence with " A man once told me......"

Why do men break wind more than women?
Becasue women can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.


I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.:blackeye :ko

Come on Alison lets have it!!!!!!!:D
 

DeepThought

Freediving Sloth
Sep 8, 2002
2,334
410
173
42
I could resist for so long...

What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?

Einstein's ___k!
 
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Alison

Offline
Mar 6, 2004
1,898
204
0
Why Men Are Like Computers?
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter

What Not To Say To A Naked Guy1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
Return


A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for medium, and $14,000 for large. The man was sure he wanted a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
A bit close to home!

Male Training Seminars1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You, Too, Can Do Housework

3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

4. How to Fill an Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money

6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks"

8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception

9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook

10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You: The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons to Give Flowers

15. How to Stay Awake in Public

16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom

17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb

18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try

19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower

20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please

21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down: formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet"

22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms

23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull

24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost

25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex

27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes

28. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too

29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home

30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver

31. Seeing the True You: formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson When Naked"

32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works

33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary

34. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary
 

bluecape

Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2003
574
164
83
What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
to wear if we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW

Regards

Jeff
 
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