Another story on the practical wisdom of women...
The Case of the Missing Money
Detective Frank Deepend was worried. He had a right to be. His Captain was breathing down his neck, the press was breathing down his neck, even Mayor Swimfart was breathing down his neck. It was getting crowded there, in his little office. The evidence was scant and the stakes were high. "Frank! you got 24 hours to break this, after that you'll be patrolling the canals", the Captain had said. He sighed, the department issued lousy 3mm wetsuits and masks you could hardly see out of for patrol duty. Twenty-five years on the force and just a couple from retirement. This was no way to start the day.
A nowhere situation that started on a rainy morning when his assistant, Janet Dripdry, handed him the box of evidence from the scene of the crime: the Whalespotter mansion. Stephan Whalespotter was an eccentric philanthropist who had gained a fortune though internet publishing. There had been a short blackout during his annual fancy dress party last night and when the lights came back on there was a sum of 5 million dollars missing from where it should be. "You know Whalespotter's connections", the Captain had said, "this is going to get hot!". "No kidding" he thought, "the Mayor's only called five times
in two hours!".
So far he had discarded everything except the fins and the high - heels. It was obvious the thief was a freediver even though he couldn't understand why she had left behind her equipment and shoes. "Some lady" he mused, "C4's and $400 Gucci’s. Of course! The lady probably had to leave everything behind in order to carry the money, she must have had to do a dynamic no fins on this one! But you blew it my friend, you left behind two little clues, you're a freediver and I know your shoe-size".
"Hey Janet! Get Jon Jumpinlake and Tedisky Spearing from the Sheriff's Department in Wisconsin on the phone, they have good contacts in the freediving world." "Jon?", "No it's Tedisky here, Jon's on the rocks." "On the rocks?" "Yeah, he's ice diving right now, checking out how long it takes for a snowball to melt at 30 feet." "Uh...OK., Listen, I need you to contact all the fin manufacturers and get them to offer free fins for all lady freedivers. Give them a 24 hour time limit, and post it on the fin lineup thread on DeeperBlue. This is for the Whalespotter case so get on the move. I've got everyone and their grandmother screaming at me, so I'll owe you one. The idea is the girls will have to send in their shoe size to get the fins and once we have one that matches the shoes, we close the case!"
Tedisky calls after a few hours. "Frank, we've recieved all the orders and there's only one lady who matches the data: Cynthia Strongswim. Shall we get the San Diego police to bring her in?" "Yeah, wait a minute, there's another call coming in." Tedisky hears Frank yelling "WHAT?" at the top of his voice and the sound of something hitting the wall. "TEDISKY, CANCEL EVERYTHING!!! Whalespotter just called in saying the he'd just found the money hidden under a couple of monofins.
Apparently he'd been too drunk to open the safe and had forgotten all about it. Tell the manufacturers to cancel the orders." "Too late Frank, all the fins have already been sent out - you know how eager they are to please their customers! I also have a nice fat bill for $300,000.00 dollars from them." "$300,000.00? That's a lot of fins!" "The word spreads fast Frankie, are you gonna pay up?" "Yeah, OK., the department will pick up the tab."
Two days later Cynthia is enjoying her new fins and chatting with her friends Mia Minnow and Rachael Roughwater who are visiting. "What a blast, these fins are sooo cool, and I couldn't believe it was so easy to get them! Men are so predictable, just set up the right conditions, push them in the right direction and presto, free fins for everyone! It was nice of Stephan to play along though, pretending he'd lost that money!"
And so ends the second story in the unending battle of the sexes. Freediving or not, women are always going to go much deeper than you. And yes, I'm pointing at *YOU*!
The names have been changed to reflect the guilty. Any similarity to real people is fully intentional.
Adrian
