But batteries can't talk, and thus can't lie! so who will be there to say "Oh Honey, you're the best I've ever had!"
jokes jokes, I swear
jokes jokes, I swear 
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Ladies Laugh
- Thread starterjohnny
- Start date
Thread Status: Hello
, There was no answer in this thread for more than 60 days.
It can take a long time to get an up-to-date response or contact with relevant users.
It can take a long time to get an up-to-date response or contact with relevant users.
Of course you have backup, Drunky.
Let me clear up some higgledy-piggledy misconceptions about certain Forum Mentors' apocryphal pet, Torchy the Battery Boy.
Undoubtedly wonderful advantages and uses:
Advantages:
He comes with a warranty
Torchy is always dressed in a waterproof, high impact and UV resistant mack
He's always on call and ready for hours of hard work
Always content, Torchy hides patiently in any closet, drawer, or between matresses
Torchy doesn't ruin the mood of the evening by destructing character plot during racy foreign movies
Special Skills:
Deep tissue massages
Stirring paint cans
Frightening burgulars
Spare D-cell battery supply
Busting concrete slabs
Impromptu Pianist (Just drop Torchy humming happily into the piano's case to enjoy such masterpieces as "Flight of the Bumblebee", Rachmonanov's Rach 3, and The Hammerklaiver Sonata [no. 29 op. 106])
Torchy's weak points:
He requires constant guidance
He's dependant, but always ungrateful when you pick him up
Torchy doesn't respond to pillow-talk
His large stature and quiet demeanor might make nosey housemaids uneasy
You'll always have to make the first move
He's awkwardly reticent when trying new things
Torchy can't open jars, step on spiders or bugs, make sure your mechanic isn't lying to you, run to the store for feminine products, or implicitly avoid your "Do you think I look fat in these" questions.
He still doesn't know your name
I hope I've made a constructive point or two regarding your overesteemed peon, Torchy the Battery Boy. I'd have the mind to give you a taste of your own medicine, but Black and Decker has yet to unveil the Beer Keg Wet/Dry Vac.
Touché, ladies!
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rofl rofl lmFao!
oh god i cant this anymore.... hehehehehehehehehehe can't give you anymore rep for a while sinky
the worse thing about Battery Boy, is when his batteries die out in a crucial moment... in that case, he can be compared to a man!
rofl rofl
oh god i cant this anymore.... hehehehehehehehehehe can't give you anymore rep for a while sinky
the worse thing about Battery Boy, is when his batteries die out in a crucial moment... in that case, he can be compared to a man!
rofl rofl
ahemm nothing comes close to the real deal so you can throw Torchy away or request a refund..and Ally..well she doesnt even come close to Puthy Boots Samantha
mishu1984 said:
how should we take that comment Mishu? are you insulting Alison? :vangry
Amphibious said:reference to an american tv sitcom Sara, not our board member
lol! as in Ally McBeal?? ha! she uses a torch too? if that's the case she would only need a Mini maglite rofl rofl
Island Sands said:
It looks as though all this talk of such a replacement has left certain forum moderators a little shaken. (bad pun)
Some people get a little too deep with all the droning that emanates from such a long, oscillating subject. Perhaps we should all sit on it before reacting to all this buzz. (horrible pun)
:blackeye
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island_sands said:
well then you need to upgrade to the new longer lasting batteries :t :king :t
or have a spare set on hand at all times...
lol...we should hook her up with Mr. Handerson and his five sons...lol.
the new brady bunch hehe
the new brady bunch hehe
A letter from my own editor:
The previous Beer Keg Wet/Dry Vacuum joke has been edited/deleted to some extent. Due to my own shortcomings as a self-proclaimed humorist, I've accidently caused a bit of confusion. The Ally McBeal/Allay McBeer reference was intended as carefully schemed play-on-words.
Allay is not supposed to be mistaken for our very own Alison.
As most of Interpol knows...I have trouble carefully scheming. In fact, I have been known to hurt myself, and all those people in the overturned bus, carefully scheming to cross the street.
I, in no way, was taking a shot at Alison. It took me a while to see that it might've looked that way. I didn't want anyone else mistaking it for a pile-on.
The actual pile-on is going to be at my apartment this Friday. Torchy will be humming a few tunes for entertainment. There will be plenty of spreads, but don't fill up, as guest will be bobbing for various fruits.
Ok...NOW I'll stop.
The previous Beer Keg Wet/Dry Vacuum joke has been edited/deleted to some extent. Due to my own shortcomings as a self-proclaimed humorist, I've accidently caused a bit of confusion. The Ally McBeal/Allay McBeer reference was intended as carefully schemed play-on-words.
Allay is not supposed to be mistaken for our very own Alison.
As most of Interpol knows...I have trouble carefully scheming. In fact, I have been known to hurt myself, and all those people in the overturned bus, carefully scheming to cross the street.
I, in no way, was taking a shot at Alison. It took me a while to see that it might've looked that way. I didn't want anyone else mistaking it for a pile-on.
The actual pile-on is going to be at my apartment this Friday. Torchy will be humming a few tunes for entertainment. There will be plenty of spreads, but don't fill up, as guest will be bobbing for various fruits.
Ok...NOW I'll stop.
HAHA alison...and who thought a friendly handshake could be so fun eh? my this thread has turned pg-13... for some reason alison and sands have that affect on posts..LOL
yo sink?? another extravaganza?? seriously though..for a texan i never hear you talkin about ribs or beef? whats up with that? we are DEF gettin our grill on in july...somehow and somewhere. oh yeah..got your pm today..you were def not back in 15 mins last night..but anyhoo...back to work.
yo sink?? another extravaganza?? seriously though..for a texan i never hear you talkin about ribs or beef? whats up with that? we are DEF gettin our grill on in july...somehow and somewhere. oh yeah..got your pm today..you were def not back in 15 mins last night..but anyhoo...back to work.
Ribs and Beef. Mmmmm.
I was back in 15 minutes. I had to rush back over to the office and turn log on. You logged off right as I opened up the chat room.
Stood up again! MEN ARE PIGS!
Anyhoo....Yeah we will definitely get our grill awn, Krunky.
I'm going to make my shrimp brochettes.
I was back in 15 minutes. I had to rush back over to the office and turn log on. You logged off right as I opened up the chat room.
Stood up again! MEN ARE PIGS!
Anyhoo....Yeah we will definitely get our grill awn, Krunky.
I'm going to make my shrimp brochettes.
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Blonde torchy battery whatever joke rofl rofl rofl
This guy just started at his new job, working at a p***o shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
She asks, "How much for the white torchy?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black torchy?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your torches?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special torchy...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white torch, one black torchy, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
This guy just started at his new job, working at a p***o shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
She asks, "How much for the white torchy?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black torchy?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your torches?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special torchy...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white torch, one black torchy, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
This joke cannot be true because blondes don't use torchy boys, it chips their teeth.