After several hours spent, over the last twelve months, on an Apple II Plus computer, using only the most out-dated CAD software available, I believe that I have arrived at the final word in wetsuit technology.
Three weeks ago, I contacted the good people at Quaker foods, and, after several minutes of lackluster haggling, they agreed to provide me with four 6’x8’ sheets of their proprietary, natural-flavour rice cake, at cost.
I received the shipment, undamaged, one week later, and without further laborious and time-wasting reflection, I began cutting the material according to my design plan. The results, to the everlasting fortuity of divers of every discipline, have been unforseeably spectacular....
The Suit, which I call the “Quaker-suit”, or “Q-suit”, for short, as well as for reasons of libel, does not require lubrication to don. On the contrary, an adhesive is indicated, and, after experimenting with a number of candidates, there can be no question that peanut butter, or PB, [superchunk and super smoothe both work] is the best solution.
Not only does PB function ideally as an adhesive, but it also acts as an added layer of insulation for cold-water diving. Thus, instead of requiring a bulky, 7mm. wetsuit, you can dive comfortably year-round in North Pacific, or other cold waters, using only a 3 or 4mil. Q-suit in combination with a 1.5mm. coating of Superchunk applied directly to your skin.
Once in the water, your Q-suit will begin to soften and conform to your body’s contours. You may notice that schools of fish are drawn to your new suit. Do not panic! This is one of the Q-suits many desirable properties, and one that is sure to revolutionize the sport of spear-fishing. Imagine yourself hovering in 35’ of water in your disintegrating Q-suit, cunningly camouflaged by a whole school of bait-fish! Incredible? Yes, but absolutely possible!
Another benefit of the Q-suit when it is used, as it should be, with PB [peanut butter] as an adhesive, is it’s natural shark-repellency. I have spoken over the phone with at least one marine biologist who has speculated convincingly that the suit’s putative repellency would have to do with the animal’s instinctual fear of its jaws being bonded shut, no matter for how short a time, by the Superchunk, thus preventing it from feeding. Fantastic? Yes, but I think you’ll agree, fundamentally sound.
Yet another great aspect of the Q-suit is that it makes a formidable “apres-dive” snack for 4-6 people [rolling around in seaweed or kelp adds a healthy and fun garnish to your impromptu feast!]
The only real drawbacks of the Q-suit are the price, $1400 USD [but remember, each suit is, literally, hand-made, using only 100% natural sheets of Quaker rice-cake], and the fact that each suit can only be used once [with an “in-water” life of between 10 and 15 minutes.]
However, with this suit I was able to easily annihilate my previous pb [personal best, not peanut butter] by over 5m., with a dive of –16m.! [NOTE: freediving is an extremely dangerous activity, and I had safety divers stationed at –3, -9, and –16m. along the descent line. Do not attempt such dives unless you are a trained professional with a reliable support team. ]
You will soon be able to order your suit online at Double-Happiness Dive Technologies, Inc.
Three weeks ago, I contacted the good people at Quaker foods, and, after several minutes of lackluster haggling, they agreed to provide me with four 6’x8’ sheets of their proprietary, natural-flavour rice cake, at cost.
I received the shipment, undamaged, one week later, and without further laborious and time-wasting reflection, I began cutting the material according to my design plan. The results, to the everlasting fortuity of divers of every discipline, have been unforseeably spectacular....
The Suit, which I call the “Quaker-suit”, or “Q-suit”, for short, as well as for reasons of libel, does not require lubrication to don. On the contrary, an adhesive is indicated, and, after experimenting with a number of candidates, there can be no question that peanut butter, or PB, [superchunk and super smoothe both work] is the best solution.
Not only does PB function ideally as an adhesive, but it also acts as an added layer of insulation for cold-water diving. Thus, instead of requiring a bulky, 7mm. wetsuit, you can dive comfortably year-round in North Pacific, or other cold waters, using only a 3 or 4mil. Q-suit in combination with a 1.5mm. coating of Superchunk applied directly to your skin.
Once in the water, your Q-suit will begin to soften and conform to your body’s contours. You may notice that schools of fish are drawn to your new suit. Do not panic! This is one of the Q-suits many desirable properties, and one that is sure to revolutionize the sport of spear-fishing. Imagine yourself hovering in 35’ of water in your disintegrating Q-suit, cunningly camouflaged by a whole school of bait-fish! Incredible? Yes, but absolutely possible!
Another benefit of the Q-suit when it is used, as it should be, with PB [peanut butter] as an adhesive, is it’s natural shark-repellency. I have spoken over the phone with at least one marine biologist who has speculated convincingly that the suit’s putative repellency would have to do with the animal’s instinctual fear of its jaws being bonded shut, no matter for how short a time, by the Superchunk, thus preventing it from feeding. Fantastic? Yes, but I think you’ll agree, fundamentally sound.
Yet another great aspect of the Q-suit is that it makes a formidable “apres-dive” snack for 4-6 people [rolling around in seaweed or kelp adds a healthy and fun garnish to your impromptu feast!]
The only real drawbacks of the Q-suit are the price, $1400 USD [but remember, each suit is, literally, hand-made, using only 100% natural sheets of Quaker rice-cake], and the fact that each suit can only be used once [with an “in-water” life of between 10 and 15 minutes.]
However, with this suit I was able to easily annihilate my previous pb [personal best, not peanut butter] by over 5m., with a dive of –16m.! [NOTE: freediving is an extremely dangerous activity, and I had safety divers stationed at –3, -9, and –16m. along the descent line. Do not attempt such dives unless you are a trained professional with a reliable support team. ]
You will soon be able to order your suit online at Double-Happiness Dive Technologies, Inc.
