Understanding waxlips

[Fondueset]

I would like to thank Trux for starting this excellent thread - and for the quality of his being - near as it is reflected in his writing.

I would like to thank Waxlips for his excellent asperger's typical rambling posts - and for letting us know what is up with him. Also for his hilarious remarks about being irritating.

I would like to thank Lil Dragonfly for being edgy and sharing a great deal with us and giving us a glimpse into the workings of her mind.

Also for introducing the most excellent term 'neurotypical' and for showing us that people with asperger's can also be irritable, judgmental and intolerant while providing us all an opportunity to gain a little perspective and NOT mirror these qualities.

I would like to thank both Waxlips and Lil Dragonfly for extending us the opportunity to understand other human beings with different neuro-psychological configurations and for their presence as people, regardless.

Last but not least, I would like to thank nostres - for modeling with perfect ineptitude the precise wrong way to interact with someone with aspergers.

Not to forget - and perhaps most important of all, I would like to thank Don Paul for the wonderful puppy and bear picture - which has made me feel happy and carefree .

 

[manalive!]

Fondueset - very, very well said!!!

 

[fcallagy]

Great thread guys. I think one great aspect of this forum is that there are a lot of people who have been communicating here over a number of years and so have built up some sort of reference field. This is important as we cannot infer intonation into the text.

Eg If I call Fondue an asshole in a thread he (hopefully at this stage) knows thats not what I really think and I am only messing. I have never met Fondue but I think our relationship through interactions on these forums is strong enough for him to understand my meaning.

So my point to Lil is sometimes I could get away with saying something to fondu (or any other forum member on here a while) that if said by some one else without the past experience in play could be seen as offensive.

I have zero experience of aspergers or autism so thanks for giving me some insight guys.

 

[apneaboy]

Great thread guys. I think one great aspect of this forum is that there are a lot of people who have been communicating here over a number of years and so have built up some sort of reference field. This is important as we cannot infer intonation into the text.

Eg If I call Fondue an asshole in a thread he (hopefully at this stage) knows thats not what I really think and I am only messing. I have never met Fondue but I think our relationship through interactions on these forums is strong enough for him to understand my meaning.

So my point to Lil is sometimes I could get away with saying something to fondu (or any other forum member on here a while) that if said by some one else without the past experience in play could be seen as offensive.

I have zero experience of aspergers or autism so thanks for giving me some insight guys.

Cheers for that. Asshole.

I think that everyone understands the situation a little more now, maybe even we could be tolerant of those who were quick to judge as this I think will be a learning experience for them too. If their view now changes and we can see a change in attitude its all good.

The written word is a harsh beast and is taken the wrong way a lot of times due to the lack of emotion and lack of tone in the voice when delivering your message.

BTW, did I ever tell you guys and girls I really love you

Ps. Here is the missing smiley face for after the word asshole to my mate Feargus
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[fcallagy]

we love you too Steve. Now lets link arms around the world.

 

[devondave]

Don Paul, I can't give you any rep', but those photos have made my day, thanks.

 

[Erik]

Thanks Don. Those pics are from an intersting guy that works in Play Therapy... heart-warming.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHj82otCi7U]YouTube - Animals at Play[/ame]

 

[Don Paul]

Don Paul, I can't give you any rep', but those photos have made my day, thanks.

No more rep needed mate, so many others have contributed so much more than I. I'm a very slow typist, so a image can bridge the gap at times.

Cheers, Don

 

[superdude171]

Hi Guys,

This thread makes very interesting reading for me and reminded me of a boy I was at secondary school with, at age 12 or so, called Toby who had severe Aspergers, which got me thinking. While at school even at a young age when communicating with Toby due to his mannerisms and speech troubles (he had a fierce stutter if talking to more than one person) you could tell that he needed a bit more time and understanding to get his point across even though we didn't understand the condition at all (we all got really mad when he was excused from class detention for instance). But no one ever gave him a hard time even the real bully kids. The point being that as has been said before by apneaboy, things written on the internet are far to easily taken out of context by people who have never been told what the background, is rather than being able to infer it from some ones tone or mannerisms like we would in 'real life'.

Greg.

 

[Don Paul]

Thanks Erik, I stole those images from a Bill Mac post last week which were posted on another forum, so thanks Bill.:friday.

Cheers, Don

 

[nostres]

Last but not least, I would like to thank nostres - for modeling with perfect ineptitude the precise wrong way to interact with someone with aspergers.

So in other words incompetent? Yes, in this subject I am because I only knew one autistic kid in my life who btw was very cool.

One thing for sure, "she" is acting way different than waxlips. I am not a shrink but I'll just back off now just in case she's not a troll. Also I never was bad to her really, actually very patient until yesterday and I spoke AFTER her official good bye announcement. Harrastment in PM she mentioned wasn't from me.

I am done, back to diving
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[Bill McIntyre]

Thanks Erik, I stole those images from a Bill Mac post last week which were posted on another forum, so thanks Bill.:friday.

Cheers, Don

Well its about time you confessed. I wondered how long you were going to use my stuff without attribution.

 

[Don Paul]

Well its about time you confessed. I wondered how long you were going to use my stuff without attribution.

Stay off my spots....:t.

Cheers, Don

 

[Fondueset]

Nostres - The important thing to understand is that she and waxlips are both people with a neurologically wired social disability.

It is not appropriate for you to make fun of Lil D's decision making process when it is a function of the organic structure of her brain. If you find she and waxlips intolerable, don't talk to them - because you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of changing the way their minds work.

One of my favorite things is understanding. I love the feeling of freedom that comes when I grasp the context of a difficult situation and am suddenly resolved of my own reactions.

 

[nostres]

Nostres - The important thing to understand is that she and waxlips are both people with a neurologically wired social disability.

First of all You don't know that for sure


It is not appropriate for you to make fun of Lil D's decision making process when it is a function of the organic structure of her brain.

Second, I was talking about logic, not making fun.

And I don't talk to her, anymore

 

[Bill McIntyre]

I guess this will sound insensitive, but I question how a forum populated by "neurotypical" divers can be expected to adjust to accommodate members with autism or Apsberger's? We have enough trouble dealing with each other when we presumably understand social norms and subtleties of meaning. My wife would be the first to tell you that I sometimes suffer from "impaired social interaction." If I come across as an irritable asshole, can I claim to be a high-functioning Apsberger's and demand immunity?

Call me a pessimist, but I can foresee a forum where about a third of the members demand to be treated differently. We are not therapists.

 

[Fondueset]

Bill, I think most of us have already done that in your case

Good question. As an expectation its probably unreasonable.

My effort has been to try and convey the idea that Lil Dragonfly's logic is a function of the physical structure of her brain. She does not have the equipment to develop the sense of context by which most of us prioritize things. She makes 'logical' decisions based on very limited inputs and no amount of analysis will change that.

It reminds me of a skit by 'Kids in the Hall' This guy was at a party. He kept alienating people because everything he said was with this intensely sarcastic tone. It got to the point where everyone wanted to beat the crap out of him. Finally he explained that he had a neurological problem that cause him to speak that way. He could literally say 'I Love you' and mean it - but it sounded dripping with sarcasm.

 

[spaghetti]

I'm not liking this discussion as a whole.
Discussing in public the health problems of two persons (!) probably far beyond their own will to have their personal health problems to be discussed in public, is something that I reject totally.
I can see Trux's positive intentions when he started this in his good spirit, but personally I'm very disappointed that this sensitive subject (personal health problems of members) is being discussed in the open.

And what is the question then?

Is it whether or not we should tolerate them in the DB community given their autism problem? Hell yes, for me they are welcome.

Or is it whether should we use a special forgiving standard if they ever post anything inappropriate or offensive? Hell no, for me. Inappropriate is inappropriate, and will be dealt with as such by forum staff. Gently and respectfully, as always, with anyone.

Objections?

 

[Fondueset]

Homage, Italian person.

I am loathe to point out that personal health issues are the rule, rather than the exception on this board. Right now theres a discussion going on about spinal fusion as related to equalizing. There've been numerous posts about suicidal depression and a host of other really personal conditions.

Waxlips and Lil D both brought up Aspergers, said they had it and proceeded to describe what its like. I think understanding it has the potential to reduce a lot of angst and general noise and keep things civil.

I agree we shouldn't make special exceptions and all that - but asperger's is really not something you can't take into account. Its asking a lot of people to not overreact to posts that seem really offensive. I don't say we can't discuss smoothing the dialogue a little - but knowing whats up is a big help.

I'm even more loathe to point out that asperger's folks don't make the same distinctions about what's personal and what isn't. If they are welcome here and then so is that.

 

[Bill McIntyre]

Spaghetti,

I agree. When I first saw the thread, I thought it must be in a private forum for those of us with "elite" management titles. It wasn't until one of the people being discussed jumped in that I realized that it was public.

Its too late to go back with this one, but I don't think we should do something similar again.