Things could be worse.
>
> A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed,
hair
>well
>groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly
of a
>good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into
an
>upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking
lady,
> (mid eighties).
> The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink,
takes a
>sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
>
<><><><><><><>
> An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years.
>He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for
a set
>of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
>The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
doctor
>said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that
>you
>can hear again."
>The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around
>and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
>
><><><><><><><>
>Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
bench
>under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83
years old
>now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my
age. How
>do
>you feel?"
>Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
>"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
>"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
>
><><><><><><><>
>An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating,
>the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
gentlemen were
>talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant
and it
>was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
>The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
>The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the
name of
>that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one
that's red
>and has thorns."
>"Do you mean a rose?"
>"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen
>and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
last
>night?
>
><><><><><><><>
>Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged.
>However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman
>...
>already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet
... who
>insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
>After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel
him to
>the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
him.
>"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing
>out
>of her hospital gown."
>
><><><><><><><>
>
>Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things.
>During
>a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but
they
>might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
>Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
chair.
>Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
>"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
>"Sure."
>"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
she
>asks
>
>"No, I can remember it."
>"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should
write it
>down, so's not to forget it?"
>He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
>strawberries."
>"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, don't
you
>want
>to write it down?" she asks.
>Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember
it! Ice
>cream with strawberries and whipped cream ... I got it, for goodness
sake!"
>Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old
man
>returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and
eggs. She
>stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
>
><><><><><><><>
>A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear
you're
>getting married?"
>"Yep!"
>"Do I know her?"
>"Nope!"
>"This woman, is she good looking?"
>"Not really."
>"Is she a good cook?"
>"Naw, she can't cook too well."
>"Does she have lots of money?"
>"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
>"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
>"I don't know."
>"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
>"Because she can still drive!"
>
> <><><><><><><>
>Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second
>one says, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go
get a
>beer."
>
><><><><><><><>
>
>A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost
>me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
>"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
>"Twelve thirty."
>
><><><><><><><>
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few
>days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous
>young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to
Morris
>and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be
>cheerful.'"
>The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur; be
>careful.'"
>
><><><><><><><>
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and
pulled
>himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his
breath, he
>ordered a banana split.
>The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
>"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
