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Jokes Thread!!!
- Thread startermiles
- Start date
Thread Status: Hello
, There was no answer in this thread for more than 60 days.
It can take a long time to get an up-to-date response or contact with relevant users.
It can take a long time to get an up-to-date response or contact with relevant users.
OMG I saw that, surely no-one took offence!
Maybe they have installed a filter that cuts out dated and not particularly funny jokes rofl
Posted via Mobile Device
Dave, in the 6+ years ive been a member ive seen very few arguments and that is due to top notch monitoring by monitors, unlike SB where things get out of hand fast.
However, you do bring up a good point, at the end of the day, it is the jokes thread!
Posted via Mobile Device
However, you do bring up a good point, at the end of the day, it is the jokes thread!
Posted via Mobile Device
Geez I seem to have lost my little tiny gun. It's not down my pants, There is not enough room because of my great big p###s. BTW who deleted my joke? Come clean. Show thyself or I'll start playing with my tiny little gun.
We all love DB, well I do anyway. However we seem to be going through a bit of a testing time at present. Read this post from the boss http://forums.deeperblue.com/beach-bar/70670-stolen-speargun-5.html#post802308 . Play nicely and be polite.
Dave.
Dave.
I guess I can't say the p-word anymore. Heck I married one. (She's the gypsy, horse riding kind, not the body part)
Several well known British comedians (inc. some ex-Monty Python) are campaigning on this currently. Racial stereotyping for humour probably represents a significant proportion of most comedians' "bread and butter" schtick. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edY9ObDvMFY]YouTube - New car insurance TV ad from Moneysupermarket.com[/ame]
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Jeez sara, It really didn't need to be deleted, did it? I had one moderator give me rep for it. Only apneaboy found it offensive and I'm sure he has gotten over it already.
Always ask, never assume!!
His request approved, the Sky News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for Sky' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for Sky' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
On the outskirts of the city where i live is a small wildlife park with lots of exotic animals. A few years back there main attraction a big Silver Back Gorrila escaped and ended up in a big oak tree on the village green.
All attemps were made to get the gorrila out of the tree and back in captivity,but he evaded all attemps.
Thats when i got a call from them. I did a lot of hunting at the time and supplied the park with fresh meat for some of the animals. It was a call of desperation to be honest. I had never delt with anything of this size or sort of animal before but allways boasted while delivering meat to the park that there wasn't a animal i couldnt catch,dead or alive.
Next morning bright and early i was at the village green hoping nobody would be around to watch me try to get the gorilla down.
Out of the van i got 1 double extension ladder,1 six foot long spear,1 pair of hand cuffs,a double barreled 12 bore shotgun and my hunting dog.
He's the most nasty of dogs i had ever had,a bull terrier cross toy poodle. In short a Bull Toodle. Now this dog was soft as they come around home and out for walks but soons the gun came out the dog changed and the red mist descended.He was ok with all stock but anything i was after he would join in and somtimes he wasnt fussy if it was me he was biting or the quarry.
By now word had got around that i was there to get the Gorilla out of the tree and a big crowd had gathered. The park manager was worried about what the gun was for because he didnt want his main attraction shot.
I said im going to use the ladder to climb the tree,i will take the spear up with me then walk out on the branch that the gorillas on and keep poking him,only little jabs to make him go further out on the thinner branches until they brake. When he falls to the ground the dog will rush in and grab the gorilla by the testicals. When the Gorilla puts his hands down to try to save them you can rush in quickly and put the cuffs around his wrist. Gorilla caught!!
"Whats the Shotgun for?" Asked the worried park manager, i said "Shoot the dog if i fall out the tree first".
All attemps were made to get the gorrila out of the tree and back in captivity,but he evaded all attemps.
Thats when i got a call from them. I did a lot of hunting at the time and supplied the park with fresh meat for some of the animals. It was a call of desperation to be honest. I had never delt with anything of this size or sort of animal before but allways boasted while delivering meat to the park that there wasn't a animal i couldnt catch,dead or alive.
Next morning bright and early i was at the village green hoping nobody would be around to watch me try to get the gorilla down.
Out of the van i got 1 double extension ladder,1 six foot long spear,1 pair of hand cuffs,a double barreled 12 bore shotgun and my hunting dog.
He's the most nasty of dogs i had ever had,a bull terrier cross toy poodle. In short a Bull Toodle. Now this dog was soft as they come around home and out for walks but soons the gun came out the dog changed and the red mist descended.He was ok with all stock but anything i was after he would join in and somtimes he wasnt fussy if it was me he was biting or the quarry.
By now word had got around that i was there to get the Gorilla out of the tree and a big crowd had gathered. The park manager was worried about what the gun was for because he didnt want his main attraction shot.
I said im going to use the ladder to climb the tree,i will take the spear up with me then walk out on the branch that the gorillas on and keep poking him,only little jabs to make him go further out on the thinner branches until they brake. When he falls to the ground the dog will rush in and grab the gorilla by the testicals. When the Gorilla puts his hands down to try to save them you can rush in quickly and put the cuffs around his wrist. Gorilla caught!!
"Whats the Shotgun for?" Asked the worried park manager, i said "Shoot the dog if i fall out the tree first".
During a recent argument my girlfriend accused me of being patronising. I came back with a witty little remark but birds don't get our jokes do they, bless em
Apple will be releasing a new gadget exclusively for women later this year.
It's called the iRon.
It's called the iRon.
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
'Honey, please... just one more time
before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they
make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over
and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death,tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses.
'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
Do you think we could...'
At this point the wife sits up and
says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough
I have to get up in the morning... you don't.'
doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
'Honey, please... just one more time
before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they
make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over
and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death,tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses.
'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
Do you think we could...'
At this point the wife sits up and
says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough
I have to get up in the morning... you don't.'