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Jokes Thread!!!
- Thread startermiles
- Start date
Thread Status: Hello
, There was no answer in this thread for more than 60 days.
It can take a long time to get an up-to-date response or contact with relevant users.
It can take a long time to get an up-to-date response or contact with relevant users.
It just takes some homework to understand.
Your a Texan If......
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.
12. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals, but think nothing of it.
13. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
14. You use "fix" as an auxiliary verb. Example: "Ahm fixin' to go to the store."
15. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
16. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
17. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.
19. You know what "cow tippin" and "snipe huntin" is.
20. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
21. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
22. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
23. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
24. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
25. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
26. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
27. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
28. You know if another Texan is from south, east, west, or north Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
29. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
30. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as "good gumbo weather."
31. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a pop-it's a Coke (or a Dr. Pepper), regardless of brand or flavor.
32. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' wal-martin'."
33. You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.
34. You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour water (a delicacy known as "biscuits n' gravy").
35. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Texas.
Your a Texan If......
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.
12. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals, but think nothing of it.
13. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
14. You use "fix" as an auxiliary verb. Example: "Ahm fixin' to go to the store."
15. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
16. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
17. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.
19. You know what "cow tippin" and "snipe huntin" is.
20. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
21. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
22. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
23. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
24. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
25. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
26. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
27. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
28. You know if another Texan is from south, east, west, or north Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
29. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
30. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as "good gumbo weather."
31. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a pop-it's a Coke (or a Dr. Pepper), regardless of brand or flavor.
32. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' wal-martin'."
33. You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.
34. You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour water (a delicacy known as "biscuits n' gravy").
35. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Texas.
Your Honor we now rebutt the spurious attempt at humor at the expense of The Lonestar State.
As to item #:
35. Yes I am a Texan. I do get the so called jokes and actually am amused at a few. There is no need to forward these to any Texan as we know who we are and where we are. Non-Texans would not understand.
34. You obviously are looking down your nose at a Southwestern trail delicacy with only the limited experience of overcooked gravy...aka "Yorkshire Pudding". True biscuits and gravy have sage flavored sausage scrambled and browned in an iron skillet over the camp fire coals stirred by your cowboy friend. Add coarse ground pepper and laddle over fresh buttermilk biscuits. (Podge are you listenin'?) Sliced jalapeno peppers on the side for am additional bite. (pronouned hah-lah-pain-yohs)
33. Have you EVER had fried catfish nuggets and cheese grits (usually with jalapenos [see #34]??? Come to one of our family reunions and you'll learn all about good eatin'!
32. I am a passionate HEB man. Google it. Big Blue W is is a necessary evil.
31. It's DP and coke! Better'n pop like some corn husker.
30. It's mid October here, first of Fall last week, and temps are still in the high 90's! Below 70 at midnight is a cool snap.
29. You betcha DQ is a staple but Whataburger is catching up.
28. They may talk differnt but they're not furriners, they're family!
27. See # 30. We had 60 consecutive days over 100' F this summer!
26. See #27. We are also in the midst of a record drought!
25. I'm sorry you resort to using your fingers or poison ivy Apboy but you really should learn some useful woodscraft.
24. It's not? That's why we get an extra week of vacation over the rest of the world, it's in our contract with God!
23. That's because we really don't overally concern ourselves with the rest of y'all and Friday night football is King!
22. Lose the boxers and stick with just the "T"...for a little bit.
21. Sorry Apboy, Texas has lots of big cities and lots of mixed accents. We even allow Yankees to visit.
20. Actually ketchup has been demoted and picante sauce has arisen it's place and likewise Tabasco has been supplanted with Habnero Sauce. (Hah-bahn-yare-oh).
19. You my fine Beefeater are missing a real good time. At least the sheep in Texas aren't boot shy.
18. That's right and a standard tranny can roll or push start in 2nd gear.
17. Sorry, you missed it, it's really beef, pork, cold beer, and salsa picante (pick-aunt-tay). That jello salad crap was illegally brought in by carpet baggin' Yankees and is only legal at Thanksgiving (when brought by an eladerly Aunt) or at Lutheran potluck suppers. "Where two or three Lutherans are gathered in my name there will be food!" 1st Epicurians 4:15.
16. The lights are to scare off the 'coons who come up to eat the cat food and so's you don't step on a snake when gettin' home late.
15. So??? At least we don't dance around a pile of rocks and call it a henge to make it sound mysterious.
14. And guess what ahm a-fixen' to do? And the first two don't count.
13. It's not a car it's a diesel pickup and someone just ran in to get something quick. Has to be quick or the truck will wind up in Mexico.
12. And they're clean, patched and starched.
11. Better'n having buggers--bugger!
10. True and now they're recyclable--so why make new ones--just use the old til they fall apart.
9. Only if it's mixed with gas made from furrin' oil.
8. Okay...it's Texas!
7. Only if it involves flames.
6. Only if it involves ice or snow.
5. Okay, I've hit a deer! Also a buzzard (vulture to y'all non-Texans) which tried to go through my windscreen. You think they would drap road-kill off the road! Skunks are horrible, 'dillos (armadillos) are stupid and blind, and worst of all are feral hogs. That's why Texans put "brush guards" on pickup trucks--not PC to market them as critter splitters.
4. More like hours--"I'm two hours South of Austin".
3. Right! That's because they keep touring in Texas where good music is appreciated long after the rest of the world has forgotten.
2. See # 33. Family reunion, fish fry, cheese grits, hush pupies and coke! Who wouldn't want to take off? At least we don't go to family reunions to find dates!
1. Now I live off of FM 539. That means Farm to Market. There's also RR, Ranch Roads. That's how folks get fed. You also have to yield right of way to horses and cattle in open range counties.
It doesn't take homework to understand--just come by and visit!
Last edited:
36. You go OTT at jokes directed about you and spend 3 hours answering all of the points made
black no sugar please. and McVities Digestive.